Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
40s are totally the cure
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
