At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
