Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
