Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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