East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
