i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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