Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
