my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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