She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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