they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
