he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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