we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
