my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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