I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
