I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
