she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
