can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
She bit a glass in half.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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