that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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