he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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