I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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