i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
