I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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