I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
only you would photoshop your dick
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
