The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think my moral compass just broke
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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