Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She told me I should be a condom model.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
