you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
