Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
