Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
