The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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