I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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