My first STD was from a foam party
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
