Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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