I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
