Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
