He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
