Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
