I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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