we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
