Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
