I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
