she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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