Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
