If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
