just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
