He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
