seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
