seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
