it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
