Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
