Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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