btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
