Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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